Did You See That

It was the first of the live semi finals, and the show started with some funny banter between Ant and Dec and the judges. Ant and Dec have been around for years now and it’s easy to just take them for granted as a safe pair of hands, but I noticed last night that are actually funny and add a lot to the proceedings. I guess being massively paid stars in their own right gives them a certain confidence in their dealings with big egos like Simon Cowell and Piers Morgan.

Biggest disappointment of the night was Damon Scott. He was so funny with his monkey puppet and Michael Jackson routine when he first auditioned, but last night he really bombed. It lacked the energy and fun that he had shown before and it was actually like watching a car crash. He got emotional as the judges told him as much. I think it’s his likeability and the memory of his first audition that saw him through to he next final.

Paul Potts was the other entrant to go through to the final, after yet another fantastic operatic performance. Last night’s losers were Dominic Smith, MD Productions (which sounds oddly corporate for a dance troupe), Caroline Boyes and Klever Kanines.

Well, I suppose it should have been obvious. Simon made a total balls-up of the “TV selling” task, but Sir Alan fired poor Naomi, which I guess should have told me that Simon was his favourite, but for some reason I thought he would go with Kristina. She seemed genuinely gutted not to get the job.

But what is the job? Well, Sir Alan wants Simon to help find a hotel provider for a new hotel and golf complex he is setting up near Stansted. Hotel and Golf complex? Someone’s trying a little too hard to be Donald Trump, I think!

And what of Katie? She was publicly embarrassed again last night on the You’re Hired program with Adrian Childes. Their treatmeant of her seems oddly petulant. They should be thanking her for making their TV show - and that’s what this is, it’s not a serious business exercise - actually interesting.

Well, I tried Eastenders and there was some rubbish with Dot agonising over Pauline’s ashes, and I switched over to Emmerdale to see Marlon and Ely doing an armed robbery on a bookies, and then Marlon getting shot in the process.

Emmerdale won hands down for me!

The thing I love about Emmerdale at the moment is that the writing seems excellent. The dialogue and the acting seems spot on and so natural for many of the characters.

Eastenders is just dull, dull, dull. Of course we all love Dot Cotton, but when she gets a storyline of her own, it just seems to drag on and bore you to tears.

Ok, one problem with Emmerdale I forgot to mention at the time: They recently had a pageant to celebrate Emmerdale’s history. They seemed to forget it was originally Beckingdale and only renamed after the plane crash!!?

The judges reached Manchester today in their search for an act to entertain the queen.

I’m really not sure that putting this show on day after day actually works. Obviously there’s a formula to it, but the formula becomes painfully obvious and a bit wearisome day after day.

Some of the acts that went through were:

1. George, the 13 year old street dancer
2. Richard Bates - the musical impressionist with an organ. Think Joe Longthorne meets John Shuttleworth.
3. Urban beat boxers Crew 82, who ended with that street mantra - “Ogi Ogi Ogi, Oi Oi Oi”

Also going through were Bar Wizards who do that whole dance-about-and-serve-some-cocktails schtick. Simon called it original, I felt like I’d seen it all before.

Cowell’s judgement was closer to the mark when he described Cameron (14) as just a good technical drummer. I couldn’t see it as an act in its own right, but Piers worked the crowd and then pressured Amanda to send him through, and enjoyed gloating later, suggesting that Simon had lost his touch on public opinion and perhaps “there’s a new kid on the block”. Perhaps his right!? He’s like Simon Cowell with a bigger vocabulary.

As usual, they ended on a tear jerker and Tony took a risk by singing his own moving song, inspired by the loss of his brother and having to become a father to his brother’s children. Obviously, he went through…

Day three of Simon Cowell’s search for an act to please the Queen at the Roya Variety Performance.
Jack was a 79 widower who wanted to do his tap routine. Piers Morgan tried to usurp Simon Cowell as Britain’s Rudest Man by voting Jack off, saying this was a serious talent show. The other judges disagreed and sent him through to the next round.

Next up was a team of freerunners. Freerunning is the English name for “parkour”. They dived around the stage in a series of impressive jumps and then in what amounted to a health and safety nightmare, one of them jumped from the balcony to the floor of the theatre.

The star of the show was Connie, a 6 year old girl who brilliantly performed “Somewhere Over The Rainbow” and became an immediate favourite to win the competition.

Other acts to progress included the Kit Kat Dolls - I’ve have given them two fingers - and Scott, a high energy break dancer.

I also caught another TV talent show today - “Let Me Entertain You” with Brian Connolly who is a great light entertainment presenter. This has been going for a while but was recently moved to a later time slot. The premise isn’t much different from Britain’t Got Talent. The live audience are all armed with buzzers and when 50% of them vote an act of, their time on stage is over. I had to laugh at the particularly cruel members of the audience who voted to end a 10 year old soprano’s act before he’d even uttered a word!

Have you seen both these variety shows? Which do you prefer? Use the comments to let me know.

Polish F1 racer Robert Kubica was in some sick crash yesterday in the Canadian Grand Prix yesterday. Someone’s put it up on YouTube, so check it out. Luckily he appears to have survived unscathed, which is incredible.

The other news from the race was that Lewis Hamilton won his maiden vistory. I read after the race that Fernando Alonso said he had very bad luck with the safety cars, whilst Hamilton had good luck. That slightly glosses over the fact that Fernando had screwed up the first corner and Hamilton had built a healthy lead before the safety cars even came out. F1 is definitely interesting again for the UK fan.

Seany entered the Big Brother house on Friday night, and has quickly made his presence known.

First he pulled the blanket from Lesley’s bed whilst she was asleep. She left the Big Brother house the next day.

Then he decides that he and Gerry will share the double bed and informs Chiggy of his decision. He went through the motions of asking them if it was ok, but he clearly already decided.

And in a chat with the housemates, he revealed he briefly turned to Islam after 9/11, and that realised he was gay in his 20s after 5 serious girlfriends.

Sorry, don’t like him. This guy’s going to be the source of friction in the house!

The show got off to a flying start yesterday and today it reached Birmingham and Manchester. To be honest, it didn’t quite hit the high notes of yesterday but there was still a good mix of the laugh-out-loud awful, and also some really quite impressive acts.

Acts falling in the former included the ventriloquist with 3 weeks experience (”the worst ventriloquist in the world” according to Simon) and Catalyst - the poetry and cat act.

Better performances came from Dominic Smith singing Unchained Melody, the dance group Combat Breakers - although we saw more reaction shots than the routine itself - and Mike, the impressionist who wanted to make his Dad proud. By about half way through, Simon hadn’t had the chance to deploy the look of open-mouth, aww-struck wonder that he seems to have been working on but then it got its outing in grand style when an erotic angle grinder took to the stage. With metal strapped to her nether regions, she used the angle grinder to create a sparking light show. Piers and Simon enjoyed it, but I’m not entirely sure it’s suitable for the Queen at the Royal Variety Show.

Also worth a mention is Old And Past It - the 70 year old woman who writes and performs her own rap. Amanda was, slightly patronisingly, impressed she could even remember the words. “I should be able to, love, I wrote them”, she reposted.

Britain’s Got Talent returns tomorrow!

Simon Cowell practically owns Saturday night TV on ITV1, with his Grease Is The Word show ending tonight (his company produced it), and being immediately followed by his new vehicle in which he also appears. Alongside him on the panel of judges are sacked newspaper editor, Piers Morgan, and err.. notorious adultress, Amanda Holden. It’s not dissimilar to X Factor, except the acts can do anything and be any age.

There’s no getting away from this. This is a fantastic show. You’ve got the useless clowns, of course, but you’ve also got the incredible performers with the moving back story that makes this really special.

Highlights for me were the phone salesman turned opera singer (ok the teeth might need some work), the cheeky little comedian / singer, and probably best of all, the baton twirler who had come with his nanna, and hadn’t told his parents because they didn’t approve and were worried it wasn’t what their son should be doing. Think Billy Elliot with a stick. When Amanda asked him how it felt, I was longing for him to reply “like electricity!”. Then his nan came on for an ovation too. This show has the right mix of laughs and moments to tug on your heartstring to mean it surely has “hit” written all over it.

Welcome back Variety, you’ve been missed.

Buy “Nessun Dorma” on CD

Well, it was a night of finales tonight, with the new stars of Grease being picked on ITV1, and the new Joseph being picked on BBC One’s Any Dream Will Do.

The public voted and they decided Lee would be their Joseph. Personally I was more a fan of Ben, but there’s no denying Lee put in some great performances and really wanted the role.

Oh well, at least with the series over, we get to see a bit less of the incredibly annoying John Barrowman.